ColdShower #67🥶🚿 Wise Relationship Advice, Accountability Metrics, and Willpower
J.G. Wentworth is a cult classic for commercials
Shower thought via Reddit. “877-CASH-NOW”
The ColdShower: Weekly thoughts for better health, habits, and happiness.
Hello!
Actions vs. words
Accountability Metrics
What can doing hard things teach us about our brains?
Recharge
Talk me off the ledge
It was the holiday season. Tempers were hot. We naively chose to enter the gates of a theme park. I brought with me a bad attitude from the day before.
“Actions matter more than words” - advice from a wise friend, a fellow married man with children.
What did you do this time…
I was seeking a way out of my situation. Like a kettle, I was boiling for multiple days, releasing little bouts of steam, and then I reached a tipping point and boiled over right before entering the theme park gates.
Bad words were said. My word choice was clear. I’m not proud of it.
I know my anger-fueled outbursts are wrong. I constantly work on ways to NOT blow up, to begin with. But when the sh*** hits the fan, how can I ultimately recover the relationships I’ve broken along the way?
Reframed perspective
My friend’s sage advice got me out of a bind that day. But it also reframed my perspective. As a person who admittedly “never shuts up”, my default for fights is “talk my way out of it”. But what gets you into a fight won’t get you out.
And this was a freeing thought for me. I don’t have to explain anything. I don’t need the right words to say. I can just do what needs to be done, and let my actions speak for themselves.
I haven’t had an outburst since but I’m certain that wasn’t my last. If you are anything like me and find yourself in a similar situation — Ask yourself “Not what can I say, but what can I do?”
Here’s to a BLOWUP-FREE week! 🤯🤯🤯🤯
Refine
Accountability metrics
Accountability January, Part 3. (Need to catch up? — Part 1, Part 2)
First, you have a vision for success. Then you form your accountability team and establish a regular cadence.
Now what? How do you measure success?
In my own experience, you can measure success through a mix of quantitative and qualitative goals. Let me explain.
Quantitative - SMART Goals (mentioned last week).
I created a Strava running accountability group.
We all set weekly mileage goals
As a group owner, I committed to weekly group posts.
Everyone has visibility for each other’s runs
It’s a hands-off black & white goal (i.e. did you run the weekly miles or not) with a built-in feedback loop.
Qualitative - by definition, “non-measurable goals”
I struggled with a way to set goals for each workday. My profession (sales) has clear-cut objectives (i.e. a yearly quota) but high variability in the day-to-day work. I decided to self-assess, using a workday grading system inspired by The Maverick Selling Method and reinspired by a business owner and colleague Adam Saad.
Each day I self-assess my previous day’s performance with a grade and general notes.
Each week I review with my wife (aka the big boss)
I grade based on a “rubric” — adherence to core behaviors and workday output.
It’s not a perfect system, but using a grading system has given me direction and a way to track my progress…. And who doesn’t want to show good grades to their wife aka “big boss” aka “teacher”😉😉.
Rethink
Growing our willpower
Rethink: What can doing hard things teach us about our brains?
There’s a section of the brain, the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (aMCC) linked to willpower, tenacity, and grit.
Research links the aMCC to our ability to continue exerting effort to achieve a desired result. And we can grow our aMCC by engaging in behaviors we don’t want to do.
It’s time for me to go grow my brain because I most certainly do NOT want to hop in the coldshower✌️✌️🥶🥶. Until next week.
Still On The Toilet?
The Tenacious Brain: How the Anterior Mid-Cingulate Contributes to Achieving Goals
Anterior Cingulate Cortex Damage: Understanding the Secondary Effects & Recovery Process
THANK YOU for making it to the end! I hope you don’t hate reading this.. but if so on the bright you just grew your brain😉.
Lesson I learned years ago - never go to a huge public location during a holiday! Especially Theme parks and Vegas, which I guess are kind of the same thing. Glad you took it as an opportunity to grow
Attitude is everything and what comes out of our mouth reflects it and our heart. I like that our brain grows with all the things we do ,that we do not like!! :) :) (That's a good enough reason to have a good attitutude about doing them even when we don't want to and it helps to enjoy life with the people around us)